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Our Time: Longevity defined, with wit and rhyme and brevity

By Jane Glenn Haas, The Orange County Register, Source: MCT News Service

	Longevity.
	It's gotta be
	There for you
	And there for me.
	Longevity.
	Can you see
	A poet living
	To 103?
	Longevity.
	Talking loud and clear
	About sex and aches
	Two topics dear.
	Longevity.
	Ya gotta grin
	At what the aging
	Cats dragged in.
	___

It's the 12th Annual International Longevity Light Verse Contest and 643 of you sent me poems.

Unlike earlier years, most of them rhymed. Most of them had meter. Most of them made a good point about the passing years.

And more.

For the first time, we had a majority of poets 65 and older. In fact, we had a bunch in their 80s and 90s plus our oldest poet, Dorothy Saulten, who's a healthy 103!

Here are the best of the best:

Carded young

Or no beer sold

Carded now

To prove I'm old.

_Thomas V. Hammond, Costa Mesa, Calif., 59

	___
	We used to party hardy
	Now we hardly party
	Enough said...
	_Patsy Lord
	___

Babies are born with no hair,

Old men's heads are just as bare.

In between the cradle and the grave,

Lies just a haircut and a shave.

_Chris Connors, LaHabra, Calif., 43

___

I am trying 50 on for size,

It feels a little lumpy;

The skin's a bit saggy and,

The hair is graying and frumpy.

The shoulders need their bands replaced,

The knees each a spongy new pad.

The heart pumps a whole lot faster now,

When excited, even just a tad.

The derriere hangs lower than

Any suit of years before.

Gosh darn when I bend over,

The darts hang to the floor!

As the months roll on, for sure,

I'll grow into 50 years old

By the time 51 rolls around, shucks, 50'll fit like a mold.

_Karin Spruill, Cypress, Calif., 51

___

Some may call me obsolete

I don't blog and I don't tweet

I prefer to read my news

Over pastry and some juice.

If you Google, you won't find me

All my wild oats are behind me

I don't want to learn new stuff

Getting old is hard enough.

_Toni Blake, Granbury, Texas, 61

___

When I had it

I didn't flaunt it.

Now that I want to flaunt it

I don't have it!

_Jane Moralice, Costa Mesa Calif.

___

Aunt Maude outlived family and friends,

She was healthy and straight as a stick.

Said, when asked, about longevity:

I was here when the Dead Sea was sick.

_James O. Beshears, Grand Prairie, Texas, 85

___

I worked real hard so I could be

A "sixty-five" retiree.

Paid Uncle Sam his generous share

So now I've earned my Medicare.

I failed to heed and couldn't see

Our pretty sad economy.

I know our funds will soon go broke

Looks like real soon I'll be "poor folk."

_Patty Patenaude, Irvine, Calif., 67

___

Let's do it in the dark, baby

It doesn't matter to me

As long as I'm with just thee.

Because at our age

I can't watch old age

Crawling all over me.

_Catherine Sowa, Costa Mesa, Calif.

___

To tell the truth, if I could choose,

I'd stay up late to watch the news,

But when I bid the day adieu

I have so many things to do!

My walker must be parked just right

In case I need it in the night.

You have no clue how I resent

That I'm a bit incontinent.

I doff my wig and put it there _

(I used to have such pretty hair!)

My teeth are in a little spa;

Prosthesis in a special bra;

When I complete the plans I made,

I then remove my hearing aid.

So, finally, when I go to bed

And settle down and prayers are said,

I sleep as much as I am able

While parts of me lie on the table.

_Florus Chandler, Fort Worth, Texas, 92

___

Been working all my life, forgoing all life's pleasures,

Did all the proper things by anybody's measures.

Now I've reached the golden years, I'm wondering what I've missed,

So when opportunity appears, I'm anxious to be kissed.

I watched him as he hobbled while I limped with all my might,

We've still got our libidos though our hair is turning white.

With a wink and a nod, we're off to the hay.

As I've often said I'd find _ this is the better way.

_Lorraine Stevens, Cypress, Calif., 61

___

The new class was called "empowered longevity"

It was held once a week for the active, but elderly,

	It was such a success
	Limp as noodles they grew
	And they all fell asleep
	Relaxed and renewed.
	'Tis true!

_Priscilla Boyan, Santa Barbara, Calif., 88

___

(Jane Glenn Haas writes for The Orange County (Calif.) Register. E-mail her at jghaas@cox.net)

___

(c) 2009, The Orange County Register (Santa Ana, Calif.).

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