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Parenting tips for the holidays

By Amy Kossoff Smith, The Business of Motherhood, Source: MCT News Service

Between holiday wish lists, holiday food overload and winter break from school, it can be an overwhelming time of year for parents. Even though the kids are off school and routines are in complete disarray, don't let your parenting skills take a vacation.

In the spirit of a famous holiday song, I put a twist on the "12 Days of Christmas." This year, with the economy being so weak, everyone is looking for value, so here are 13 ways _ a baker's dozen _ to ease stress, stay healthy and save money this holiday season.

First, on gifts:

1. Turn whining into wish lists: Get your kids to write wish lists. This serves many useful purposes. First, it teaches the important lesson of delayed gratification; provides a roadmap for grandparents to navigate the kids' aisle with preparation; and communicates the idea that you can wish for anything in the world, and that alone is a gift.

2. Consider a gift exchange for adults or teens: Indulgence is everywhere, and with the economy in the dumps this year, simplifying the gift giving may be in order. For the adults in your family, consider putting names in a hat, so each person buys and receives one gift. Set a spending cap so everyone gives and receives in the same range. Consider a theme, and be creative with it _ for example, if your theme is "relaxation" which is appropriate for this time of year, you can get creative and give CD's/music, bubble bath, wine, a soft blanket and so on.

3. Consider gift swapping: You can host a party with friends where everyone brings two lightly used gifts, and by exchanging with other families, you're adding freshness to a toy that may have hit its "fun factor" expiration date in another house, but would be a blast for your own kids. There are also Web sites that facilitate swaps, such as Zwaggle.com. Zwaggle operates on a cashless, point-based system. Every time someone "Zwaggles" an item, they receive site points which they can then use to acquire other items for their kids.

4. Consider donating old toys: Holidays and birthdays are a perfect time to encourage cleanup and donate activities in your playroom. Kids, who may be less likely to part with their "favorite toy" (even if they haven't played with it in years) will be more inclined knowing that they're about to receive new toys. As they get older, this habit will become one the kids are accustomed to, and charitable behavior is reinforced. Plus, remembering kids who don't have the luxury of getting toys at holiday time is important.

5. Homemade gifts are priceless: Whether you're looking for recession-proof gift ideas, or your kids are anxious to buy gifts for relatives but don't have the funds in their piggy bank, homemade gifts never fail. I'm all for simple, and I'm far from artistic, but putting a picture on some construction paper, letting your kids decorate, and laminating into different shapes at an area office supply store can turn basic supplies into masterpieces: bookmarks, coasters, etc.

On finance:

6. Give your kids a vacation budget: If you're traveling this holiday season, you've likely considered an appropriate spending limit for your family. Give your kids a budget for the trip. You're likely to buy them trinkets anyway, and by giving them a limit, you're not only teaching them good financial management skills, but you're setting limits up front so you're not negotiating at every souvenir stand. Plus, you're teaching your kids to make choices.

7. Coupons are abundant in this economy: From the Sunday circular to coupon mailings at home, retailers are anxious for your business in this economy. Keep a bag of coupons in your car or a folder in your desk _ clip and organize so you're more likely to redeem. There's even a Web site I found, CurrentCodes.com, that lists coupon codes from 2,000 online stores.

8. Look for ... and beyond savings: When I say "beyond," I mean, don't take savings at face value. Marketing is at play to make something more appealing to customers, and you may not be saving at all. Barry Boone, of CurrentCodes.com, had some good suggestions for saving money including "comparing online retailers' pricing and making sure the final checkout screen shows the correct items, quantities, and pricing before you submit your order." Boone also suggests factoring shipping into your total cost. He explains, "Pay close attention to shipping charges. Some retailers make up their low prices by padding the shipping, so you want to be sure you're getting the lowest possible overall price."

On eating:

9. Control overeating by slowing down and actually enjoying the taste: This may sound like a contradiction, but to quote Karen Schachter, an expert on the psychology of eating, "Take this holiday season as an opportunity to truly enjoy the treats you are offered. Slow down, breathe, taste, chew and savor. Say goodbye to the guilt, judgment, and angst about weight gain and your next diet. Eat when you are hungry, stop when you are full and remind yourself that there will be plenty more if you want it later."

10. Consider healthy alternatives in holiday dishes: Traditional holiday dishes are delicious but often loaded with calories and fat. Dr. Jack Flyer, founder of CardioCare, a Washington, D.C.-based practice focusing on wellness and preventive cardiac care, suggests that you consider experimenting with some inventive and healthier dishes to complement your family recipes. Flyer suggests lower fat/lower sugar alternatives in recipes to cut calories and fat.

On stress:

11. Reduce or eliminate stress: Flyer also had some great heart-healthy tips in this important area: "In addition to leading to an increased heart rate and higher blood pressure levels, people frequently respond to stress by allowing themselves to indulge in unhealthy habits like eating in excess or drinking heavily," he explains. Some tactics he suggests include the following: 1. Make your dinners potluck; delegate side dishes to guests; 2. Get some alone time every day to recharge your batteries; and 3. Try to enjoy the holiday season rather than sweating over the small stuff.

And finally, the last tips focus on family, which is available in heavy doses around the holiday season. Pastor and football referee Dr. Travis Collins, author of "Tough Calls: Game-Winning Principles for Leaders under Pressure," parallels officiating games and calling leadership shots as a useful paradigm to families struggling to navigate the holiday frenzy.

He explains, "The marathon-like pace brought about by the holiday season often takes a toll on individuals and their loved ones. In an American Psychological Association study, about two-thirds of participants reported feeling stressed and fatigued during the holiday season. Financial woes exert extra pressure this year as Santa's elves may keep production low, and households across the country may find their worries taking a toll on family harmony this season," he said.

Collins' tips cap off our Baker's Dozen of parenting tips:

12. Teamwork wins; call unsportsmanlike conduct: He explains, "Working as a team is crucial to a family's success. Create a family budget for the holidays including food, gift and entertainment expenses. If one member's list knowingly blows the budget call a personal foul and just say no! Make a compromise and buy a less expensive model of the gadget."

13. Have a pre-game Huddle: From Collins: "With in-laws, uncles and aunts coming in for the holidays, tensions can run high. It is important to have a time-out and discuss a plan of approach. Give a pep talk to ensure that they realize the importance of family and treating them with respect and care. Let them know what you expect and what the consequences are if anyone in the family chooses to ignore the rules."

So whatever holiday you're celebrating, make it a safe, happy and memorable one!

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