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Room for improvement; Finding a compatible roommate no sure thing

By Caylie Sadin, Source: Tribune Media Services

As the "back to school" date draws near, incoming college freshman across the nation are receiving e-mails with crucial information: who they are assigned and perhaps resigned to live with for the next nine months.

Eyes flash across the screen registering the name, and just as quickly fingers flash across the keyboard, as these dormitory bound students use social media like Facebook to quickly stalk, I mean find, their new roomie.

As they are searching, horror stories from friends and family are probably playing through their heads. Everyone has heard about the person who barges in at 3 a.m. on a Tuesday night singing loudly; the weird roommate who ensconces themselves and their bed in large black curtains to block out the light; and of course, the roommate who won't stop eating food that isn't his.

But being a roommate doesn’t have to be a waking nightmare.

You should try to be as understanding as possible. Now I’m not saying that you should let your roommate get away with murder, but a little understanding goes a long way. Not everyone has the same lifestyle as you and carrying around anger will be much more detrimental to you then to them.

If things are getting too annoying to bear, sit down and talk to your roommate. Tim Cole, a communication professor at DePaul University, discusses how to work out problems in his article “What is the Best Way to Talk About Problems?” Cole lays out the two main ways that people talk about problems: direct accusation and problem identification.

Direct accusation is when a person focuses on the behavior of the other person that annoys them, according to Cole. This usually makes the accused get defensive, offer an insincere apology or continue to do the behavior but hide it.

Cole says that a more effective way to communicate is through problem identification, the key of which is to focus on one’s own feelings. Not assigning blame and focusing on your own feelings will make the other person more likely to listen to you, empathize with you, and actually talk to you about the problem in a helpful way.

“It is easier for a partner or spouse to hear what you have to say when you focus on your own feelings and not dwell on his or her mistakes,” Cole says.

If you've talked to your roommate and they have promised to be better about whatever it was that irked you and there is still no improvement, get a resident assistant involved. An RA can sit down with both of you and mediate the situation.

But if you've tried all you can and just don't think you can live with this person for a second longer, you might just have to put in for a room switch. Within the next couple of weeks, you will be able to move to a new room with a new roommate who will mesh better with you, hopefully.

And most importantly remember, it’s only for nine months. Having a bad roommate is not the end of the world.

© 2011, Tribune Media Services