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Sad start; First day of kindergarten may make students weepy, but what about the parents?

By Kristyn Schiavone, Source: Tribune Media Services

The start of kindergarten is part of a long line of "first-day-of" milestones in a child’s life.

Although parents may perceive it as a big deal to the child, experts say dropping him or her off on the first day of school is often more traumatic for the parent.

“Since many children these days have had experiences in childcare or daycare – sometimes since three months of age – this rite of passage is a little less relevant to kids today,” says pediatrician Ari Brown, M.D., and author of the

“Expecting 411” book series. “It’s probably more emotionally relevant to the parent, who perceives that their little one is growing up!”

Karen Loyal, a St. Louis area elementary reading specialist who taught kindergarten for more than 15 years, adds that kindergarten is the formal beginning of a new phase in the child’s life.

Loyal and Dr. Brown weigh in on what parents can expect, and how they can make the transition easier for everyone.

Before the first day

-Visit the school. Almost all schools do an orientation or teacher meet-and-greet that is not to be missed. Loyal says it’s important for parents to help their children build relationships not just with the teacher, but also with other staff, before school starts.

-Network with other families. Both Loyal and Brown note the importance of having a familiar face in the classroom, and Brown suggests setting up playdates with other children in the class over the summer. For parents, this can also serve as an important support system.

-Practice independence. “Children really need to have independence skills in kindergarten to feel confident,” Loyal says. This includes anything from knowing how to write their names to being able to dress themselves.

-Talk about the first day. Discuss the schedule and what the child will do at school, and set a realistic expectation about when you’ll see the child again. “A lot of times, parents will say ‘I’m going to try to pick you up the first couple of days,’ but if they really can’t that sets up the child for anxiety,” Loyal says. Along those lines, Loyal says transportation is huge for a kindergartener, so make sure they know exactly how they’re getting home.

-Start a routine. Begin putting the child on an earlier sleep schedule before the first day, as lack of sleep can increase anxiety for five-year-olds. And make sure they eat breakfast, Loyal says.

On the first day

-Know your child’s temperament. Some kids may be more excited than nervous, and run away from the parent as soon as they’re dropped off. Others, particularly those who haven’t been in daycare or preschool, may have more difficulty.

-Be positive. Children are affected by their parents’ attitude and body language.

-Go quickly. Whether you say goodbye at the front door or the classroom depends on school policy, but wherever you part, “give him a hug and say goodbye ... then follow through! Don’t linger or stick around,” says Brown. Sticking around only prolongs the agony, as most children are fine a few minutes after their parents’ leave, she adds.

-Check in with the teacher if the child can’t adjust. Loyal says that kids only take a few days to start developing routines in kindergarten, so if the child is still having trouble saying goodbye to his or her parents later in the week, it’s important for parents to discuss that with the teacher.

“I don’t think a parent should ever hesitate to call the teacher,” Loyal says.

© 2011, Tribune Media Services