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Solve anything with Dr. Mark: Career advice for the working class; You can't eat virtue

By Dr. Mark Goulston, Source: Tribune Media Services

Q: I ran a start-up Internet based training company that was the love of my life but ran out of money. Since I am the main provider for my family, I needed to take a job selling training for a much larger company. It has some good products and many not-so-good. We are under constant pressure to sell everything and as a result, I am having trouble putting my heart into my work. I feel like a prostitute. How can I get over that?

A: I completely understand that "virtue may be its own reward," but it doesn't pay the bills. One way to deal with feeling better about your present job is to spend more up front time target marketing the companies that most need and would most benefit from the products you have the most confidence in. You can do this by filling in the blanks: My company's products helps what kind of companies or customers accomplish what, when?

After you have identified those companies, what they are trying to accomplish and when they are trying to accomplish it, think of someone who can introduce you to them. Alternatively think of where their decision makers get their information. Is it via an industry newspaper, journal or Internet site? If so, think of a way you can get information about your products and the problems they solve into those media vehicles.

Regarding feeling like a prostitute: If you have target marketing the companies whose most pressing and urgent needs are taken care of by your products, all you need to do is be able to have a conversation with a decision maker and ask them what they are trying to accomplish that is most important to them. If you have done your targeting well, the ensuing conversation will naturally reveal the need for your product at which point you won't have to sell anything, you can just sign them up.

Good news only

Q: I am a divorce lawyer and I hate to give my clients bad news, which happens frequently. I sometimes find myself avoiding doing it, which only makes things worse. It's starting to stress me out and make me irritable at home. If I don't get this problem handled I'm considering changing my specialty or doing something where I don't have to interact directly with clients. Help!

A: When a client finally chooses a lawyer, they often feel a sense of relief at having made the decision. As soon as they make the decision, there is a window of opportunity to say or tell them things that may enable you to head off problems down the road.

So say to them, "As you go through this process we will of course hope for the best, but need to plan for the worst. There will undoubtedly be times when we will hit bumps in the road and hear disappointing or even bad news. What's the best way to tell you about it when that happens?" For instance, some clients have told me, 'never on a Friday' or 'by voicemail' or 'never tell me without having thought out what my options are and which you think are the best for me to consider'."

Then whatever they tell you, do. When it is time to deliver the bad news you might use what I call a "wince confrontation" in which you wince a little to acknowledge that you know it is painful for them to hear. Then reference back to the original conversation you had about how to approach them and tell them that this is a time when you need to do so.

One lawyer I know who has been successfully using this approach joked with me: "If by the way during that original conversation, they say, 'Don't tell me any bad news,' watch out!"



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Mark Goulston, M.D., is a Santa Monica-based business psychiatrist, executive coach and author of "Get Out of Your Own Way at Work." Question him at mgoulston@markgoulston.com. Visit him at: www.markgoulston.com