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Solve anything with Dr. Mark: Career advice for the working class; Dealing with difficult people

By Dr. Mark Goulston, Source: Tribune Media Services

Q: How could I give the best answer if a hiring manager asks me this question: How do you handle difficult people? Give me an example of at time when you had to work with a difficult person. How did you handle the situation?

A: Here's something you can say and use:

"What I've discovered about nearly all difficult people is that they have a way of exasperating or infuriating you. They do that by trying to bully you or whining so loud, it's like nails on a chalkboard when you hear them. When that happens you are so frustrated, you either shut down or get belligerent with them. If you do either, they win. I've also discovered that what enables them to get the better of you is that you mistakenly expect them to be civil and respectful, when in fact they are always difficult if you are discussing anything they want to do or don't want to do. That means you lower your guard expecting a decent conversation. Then wham! They blindside you with the thing that they do and while you're off balance, they go for the jugular.

"What's the solution? Expect them to try to upset you to get their way. When they say or do that, pause for a count of three. They will become nervous because their tactic didn't work and they usually don't have substance to back themselves up. Then say: 'Hmm, why don't you run that by me again and tell me what it is you would like me to do that is fair and reasonable to everyone it affects. If it is not fair and reasonable I'm going to have a problem with it and probably won't be able to give you a yes.'

"Since being fair and reasonable is the last thing on their mind and yet is 'air tight,' they will be dumbfounded and lose their balance. At that point say to them, 'Look, if what you want me to do is important to you, think about how I can do it and be fair to everyone it affects. Then come back to me and we'll try to make it happen.' They will not come back to you. Best of all, you won't need to grab a cigarette or eat something that is bad for you to deal with the knot they usually put in your stomach."

Ex-con for hire

Q: During a low period in my life, I got involved in a white-collar crime. Several years after I left my position the crime was found out and I was tried and convicted. I never served jail time, I paid restitution, served three years probation and community service. I have had several interviews but in filling out job applications that inevitable question is asked, "Have you ever been convicted of a crime." I rarely have the opportunity to offer any kind of explanation and really don't know what I should say. In today's world, security, background checks and credit history is very important to employers. Can you suggest how I can convince employers that I can be trustworthy again and secure a job? I'm 58 years old and been looking for work for a year and half.

A: Do a search for companies known to hire ex-offenders, especially of white-collar crime. They would be pre-disposed to giving you a second chance and compared to some of the other offenders they hire, you might look like a star. Select a company and a job where you can get exceptional results in something they urgently need, that are likely to exceed their expectations. To do this answer the question of what you can get done for whom, when. Ask them to hire you for a 30-day probationary period with no obligation to keep you — or even pay you — to earn the right to a continued job with them. That's a no-lose proposition for them, and giving away a month to be back in the workforce is not so much for you to sacrifice.

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Mark Goulston, M.D., is a Santa Monica-based business psychiatrist, executive coach and author of "Get Out of Your Own Way at Work." Question him at mgoulston@markgoulston.com. Visit him at: www.markgoulston.com

© 2008, Tribune Media Services