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Solve anything with Dr. Mark: Career advice for the working class; Making your move

By Dr. Mark Goulston, Source: Tribune Media Services

Q: I graduated with a computer engineering degree in December of 2005. Just like most college grads, I didn't realize what was waiting on the other side of life and failed to properly prepare myself for corporate America. Now I'm stuck with this degree and I qualify for several engineering opportunities but I work in "accounts receivable" instead. I do not know how to sell myself using my skills obtained in school. I'm not sure how to grab the employer's attention on my resume since I don't have concrete experience in my Field of study.

A: Know where you want to go;

1. Identify the people who can help you get there;

2. Get with those people and help them succeed;

3. Let them reciprocate by helping you do the same;

4. Stay in regular contact with those people;

5. Enjoy mutual success and a great relationship.

Source: Keith Ferrazzi, author: "Never Eat Alone"

The key relating points are:

1. Know what success looks like so you'll recognize it when you get there. Realize that few busy people want to take the time or put in the effort to help you figure out what you want to do or be when you grow up. That is your responsibility.

2. When identifying people who can make introductions to help you get where you want to go, select people who by nature are either givers or at the least reciprocators. You can recognize them by thinking of the qualities of people in your life who turned out to be that way vs. the non-reciprocating takers and grabbers.

3. The best way to get to those people is to figure out what you can do for them that will help them be much more successful/effective in their career, personal lives or in terms of their legacy. Then figure out how to get to them by helping them to achieve what they want being your sole focus.

4. When you do get to them and help them to succeed in any of the areas above and if you have selected properly, they will then reciprocate. And when they do, have something specific they can help you with.

5. Design and keep to a plan that keeps you in regular contact with these people and regularly helping them to be successful.

6. Success will follow.

Curing frustration

Q: I have a good job and work with good people but I have a lousy attitude. I don't want to blow it. I come from a family of blamers and victims. I am trying to keep myself from being so negative but as soon I become frustrated, it goes downhill from there. It's all I can do to keep from complaining or mouthing off. I hate it when I hear myself sounding like my mother or father. Is there anything I can do to nip things in the bud?

A: I have a similar problem, except I don't think I inherited it from my parents. I think I developed that lovely tendency all on my own.

As a specialist in emotional intelligence I have discovered some interesting things about frustration. Most importantly, it is a very unstable emotion. Frustration very quickly turns into feeling arrogant and above others and acting self-righteous or feeling put upon then acting like a victim or on the other hand. And neither of these qualities is going to win friends or influence people in a positive way any time soon.

I've also discovered that you can't feel arrogant and humble at the same moment. So think of two things that make you a real "piece of work" and a pain-in-the-rear. When you do, watch that "holier than thou" attitude become humble pretty quickly.

On the other hand you can't feel like a victim and grateful at the same time. So think of two things about your job or the people you work with that you are grateful about and let those thoughts drive away feeling as if you've been done wrong. You can make it work even better by acknowledging and thanking people for something at work. That will really be a great step away from becoming like your parent.

Good luck on becoming a good guy. You can do it.

XXX

Mark Goulston, M.D., is a Santa Monica-based business psychiatrist, executive coach and author of "Get Out of Your Own Way at Work." Question him at mgoulston@markgoulston.com. Visit him at: www.markgoulston.com

© 2008, Tribune Media Services