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Solve anything with Dr. Mark: Career advice for the working class; Keep your New Year's resolutions

By Dr. Mark Goulston, Source: Tribune Media Services

Q: Another new year is here so it's another year to lie to myself and everyone around me about all the resolutions I make that I never keep. How can I make ones this year that I actually do keep?

A: Not that I always practice what I preach, but here are seven tips that may help you keep your resolutions. I know for sure they would work for me if I followed them.

1. BE REALISTIC. Don't confuse reasonable expectations with realistic expectations. Reasonable means "makes sense." Realistic means "likely to happen." It may be reasonable to stop smoking, start a new diet and begin exercising, but it may not be realistic to change all of them at once.

2. SET SPECIFIC GOALS. Most people have a clearer idea of how they want to feel (as in happier, healthier, richer) than they have a clear picture of what things need to be done to get there. You know the saying, "Where there's a will, there's a way." The reverse is more often true: Where there's a way, there's a will. Have a step-by-step plan for how to achieve your goals.

3. WRITE IT DOWN. You wouldn't build a house without a blueprint, would you? Write down what you need to stop doing and what you need to start doing to reach your goals. Writing down your goals and plans increases your commitment.

4. USE THE BUDDY SYSTEM. Partner with someone who is also trying to keep their New Year's resolutions to increase your dedication.

Stopping negative habits and replacing them with positive behavior is easier when you have a buddy system with a good friend or co-worker.

Doing New Year's Resolutions with another person reduces the pain of doing without that unhealthy habit you're trying to break. If you love your children and want them to do their homework and underneath all their obnoxious behavior, they want you to take better care of yourself, this might be a trade you'll both keep.

5. ELIMINATE ENERGY VAMPIRES. One reason you fall off diets and exercise programs is that you need a quick fix every time you deal with negative people or no-win situations. These can be so exhausting that you say "the heck with" your diet or exercise and grab a candy bar or bail on exercising. Find a way to reduce contact with these people and situations and you'll dramatically increase your energy and be able to stay on track.

6. STICK WITH IT. Realize that it takes 30 days for a change in behavior to become a habit (this may explain why they give out 30 day chips for maintaining sobriety in Alcoholics Anonymous). When a behavior becomes a habit you hardly need to think about it and you'll still do it. It takes six months or longer for a habit to become a natural part of your personality. At that point it takes no additional energy to keep doing it and you're less likely to fall off the wagon.

7. TELL OTHER PEOPLE. This tip of tips comes from David Ackert, principal at the Los Angeles based consulting and training firm, The Ackert Advisory (http://ackertadvisory.com). It is the single greatest tip to cause you to keep your resolutions. It will also reveal how committed you really are to them. Refusing to do it will (because you don't want a person you deeply respect to think you are a flake) reveal that you aren't committed to keeping them.

Step 1: Think of someone in your life who cares about you that you most respect.

Step 2: Go to him, tell him you'd like his assistance and ask him one positive behavior you could start doing and one negative behavior [2] you could stop doing that would increase his and other's respect for you.

Step 3: Repeat back to him those behaviors to make sure you heard him accurately.

Step 4: Ask him if he would be willing to send you an email in two weeks and then a month later to see if you've kept your commitment (after a month's time, there's a good chance it will become internalized and then you ask for another pair of behaviors to improve upon).

Step 5: Thank him and ask him how you can return the favor to him.

XXX

Mark Goulston, M.D., is a Santa Monica-based business psychiatrist, executive coach and author of "Get Out of Your Own Way at Work." Question him at mgoulston@markgoulston.com. Visit him at: www.markgoulston.com

© 2009, Tribune Media Services